


Needed: Grill Dad

by cricketnationrise



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: AU Where Bully didn't go to Samwell, Craigslist, Dad Stuff (TM), Fluff, M/M, NHL!Bully, being a dad is a state of mind actually, canon typical cursing, motorcycles are something that can be so personal actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 12:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cricketnationrise/pseuds/cricketnationrise
Summary: Needed: Grill DadFour recent college graduates with no grill sense seeking a Dad to grill for them. None of us should be trusted with an open flame. Our landlord insists that “grilling is easy and fun.” We prefer our backyard not on fire. Recent empty-nesters preferred.Desired Experience:-	Minimum 18 years Dad™ experience-	Minimum 10 years grill experience-	Grill, meat, and beer providedCan’t pay you in money, but will give you all the food and cold beer your heart desires. Grill for a few hours and then kick back and crack open a cold one with the boys. Contact via emailhere._X_based off this post
Relationships: River "Bully" Bullard/Jonathan "Hops" Hopper
Comments: 18
Kudos: 52





	Needed: Grill Dad

“How seriously should we be taking the whole grill thing?”

It’s Louis who asks, but Hops knows that the rest of them were also concerned. With him and Louis graduating, Ford moving to town for a resident ASM job, and Tango’s lease ending it was perfect timing for them all to find a place together. Haus 18.0. Or something. Uncle Shitty will tell them.

It’s a nice house that’s near both the bus and the metro and a cool backyard. It’s just that the backyard contains a grill, and their landlord, Jenna “call me JJ” Johnson, has been weirdly invested in whether or not they were going to use it. She’d gone on and on about it, more of a selling point than the size of the bedrooms or the renovated kitchen.

“I’ve never grilled anything on purpose, more just, set stuff on fire,” says Tango.

“My dad used to grill, it always felt like kind of a dad thing to me.”

“Wow Ford, gender existentialism much?” Louis teases.

“Women can be dads too, it’s a parental state of mind, Louis,” Ford says primly.

“That’s true,” says Tango, “Ford is definitely our parent friend, she’s got mad dad energy some days.”

“Does that mean I’m going to be the one to learn to use the grill?” she asks worriedly, “I’m not going to be home much once the next show starts.”

“Forget your schedule, Bitty and Dex didn’t prepare any of us enough for this. Baking, we’re all passable, but _grilling_? It’s not like anyone who lived in the Haus should be trusted with an open flame,” Hops points out.

“So we’re in agreement? Just saying not using it and pretending we did?” says Louis.

“Yeah.” Tango shrugs. “It’s not like she’s actually gonna ask, right?”

_X_

Hops really should have known better. He’s seen enough movies.

Of course he and Ford run into JJ while grocery shopping a month later. They can’t avoid talking to her, and of course, she does ask whether they’ve used the grill. Apparently, _it’s the perfect time of year for it_. He and Ford try to talk around it, but JJ is persistent and so they blame Ford’s schedule and the fact that they wanted to use it for the first time when they’re all home. A small slip of the fact that she has a weekend off coming up in a couple weeks means they get plied with meat and advice about seasoning.

“Why aren’t we just throwing this out again?” Hops asks. “It’s not like JJ will know.”

“Meat is expensive. And hoping JJ wouldn’t ask is what got us into this in the first place,” Ford says while loading more groceries into the fridge. “You think we could sell it? You always say you can find anything on craigslist.”

Ford is joking. Hops knows she’s joking, and yet –

“That’s not a bad idea.”

“No. It’s a terrible, no good, very bad idea. At best, we break even, and then we _still_ have to deal with a grill obsessed landlord.”

“Not selling the meat. We could advertise for someone to grill for us. There’s bound to be some empty-nester dad willing to grill for us if we do like, dad stuff with him.”

“If you go on Craigslist and ask for someone to do dad stuff with you, you’ll get a bunch of daddy kink stuff as responses,” Ford points out.

Hops is already on his phone. “We’ll screen them. It’ll be fine. Next week is your weekend off, right?”

Ford looks at him closely, trying to work out how serious he is. _Spoilers for her: he is VERY serious. The internet can be a force for good if you let it._ She sighs. “Yeah, Saturday is better if you can swing it. Don’t post anything unless everyone signs off.”

“Oh ch'yeah for sure, we’re going to crowd source this. It’s going to be s’wasome.”

“And this is preferable to just, I don’t know, telling our landlord we don’t know how to grill and don’t care about learning?”

“We just have to find the right dad! You’ll see.”

_X_

Hops doesn’t remember much of the brainstorming session. In true Wellie fashion, the planning session got turned into a drinking game. Reading it over, he thinks they did a pretty good job.

> _Needed: Grill Dad_
> 
> _Four recent college graduates with no grill sense seeking a Dad to grill for them. None of us should be trusted with an open flame. Our landlord insists that “grilling is easy and fun.” We prefer our backyard not on fire. Recent empty-nesters preferred._
> 
> _Desired Experience:_
> 
>   * _Minimum 18 years Dad™ experience_
>   * _Minimum 10 years grill experience_
>   * _Grill, meat, and beer provided_
> 

> 
> _Can’t pay you in money, but will give you all the food and cold beer your heart desires. Grill for a few hours and then kick back and crack open a cold one with the boys. Contact via email here._

_X_

The ad goes viral. Only like, two of them contain sex stuff. Take that, Ford.

_X_

“Okay, so I’m vetting the top five. No one is coming to this house unless I feel comfortable with them. Hops and Tango, you’re my backup since Louis has to work.”

They all know not to argue with Ford when she gets this focused. And it’s a good idea, besides. The three of them are all former NCAA hockey players. And while Ford can absolutely take care of herself, he knows they’d all rather she just feels comfortable right off the bat.

It had been really fun sifting through the initial responses. He’d taken point on picking the top candidates, sifting through the applicants’ social media presence with Tango’s help. It had been easy to delete anyone with a MAGA hat in their profile picture.

“Cool so I’ll set up interviews somewhere public, how about the Starbucks near your theater, Ford, and Tango and I can meet you there after rehearsal on Wednesday?”

She sighs. “Yeah fine, let’s get this over with. Make sure it’s after 5 so I can wrap up all the paperwork.”

_X_

“I can’t believe this is working,” Ford mutters to them after the fourth dad candidate has left. “None of them give off vibes like they want to kill us or anything.”

“Empty nesters,” Tango puts in, “It’s a thing.”

“Just one more and we can go home and drink and argue about which one we want to be our dad!” Hops says.

“I feel like I’m on the weirdest dating show ever,” she says, and right on cue, a shadow falls over the table.

“You are Denice, yes?”

They all spin around and look up, (and up and up,) at the next prospective dad. Alexei Mashkov, better known as Tater, starring d-man on the Providence Falconers.

“Oh hello, Ford! I didn’t know it would be you, little B say he have some friends nearby but I’m not knowing same friends would be looking for a grill dad.” He’s beaming at them like he’s never been more pleased in his entire life. And he’s won the Cup _twice_.

Ford, obviously, recovers first. They really don’t deserve her.

“Hi Tater, good to see you again! Um – why don’t you sit down and tell us about your dad and grill experience. Especially since we didn’t expect anyone we know to answer the ad.”

“Thought it would be fun!” Tater says, sitting. “Hi Tango! Good to see you again. It’s Hops, right?”

“Yup! That’s me,” says Hops.

“So, I guess just – tell us about why you want to be our grill dad.”

“Well, back in Russia I take care of my sisters until I get drafted in the NHL, and once here for a couple years, it clear that rookies knowing nothing about taking care of themselves, so I’d take them under wings. I figured that teammates and siblings counted as dad experience. I um,” for the first time, Tater looks embarrassed, “I taught myself how to grill from internet? I bought a house here and wanted to have the team over for party in the off season. Wanted to fit in. Nothing more American than barbecue party, yes? So I bought best one and learned. Kept getting better.” He shrugs a little, “I figured – team party not till next month when guys get back for preseason, so why not?”

Ford smiles, “That’s good enough for me. Tango, Hops, any objections?”

So now they have a Grill Dad/NHL Star coming over this weekend. Hops knew the internet wouldn’t let him down.

_X_

**Tater:** Is okay if I bring rookie with me? He is needing more friends

 **Ford:** Sounds good to us!  
We also need friends we didn’t go to college with

 **Tater:** )))))  
Am best dad

 **Louis:** 👍

_X_

“Bits sent pies from vacation, I brought with me!” is the first thing out of Tater’s mouth when Hops opens the door on Saturday.

“Thanks man, come on in,” Hops says, stepping back to let Tater and a _very_ attractive guy walk through the door.

“How did he even know? They’ve been gone for a month now?” asks Tango.

“Hoppy! This is Bully, new rookie I’m telling you about.” Tater bustles off, leaving Hops to shuffle his feet awkwardly.

“Hey, nice to meet you, I’m River Bullard - Bully. Gotta get used to that, I guess. Had a different nickname in Juniors.”

The man sticking his hand out to shake Hops’ hand is almost as tall as Tater himself. Not quite as broad, but Bully’s no slouch in the muscles department. And he’s got great hair. Shitty would be so proud.

“Hey, I’m Hops, John Hopper.” he says shaking Bully’s hand, relieved that his voice comes out normal. The last time he had a crush this fast his voice broke. “Um, if you have stuff you can put it down in the living room and there’s drinks and snacks and stuff in the kitchen.”

“Cool thanks.” He wanders off in the direction of the loud conversation now happening as Tater greets the others and starts setting up the grill.

Hops follows Bully to the kitchen after shutting and locking the front door, shaking his head at himself. _Just relax, Tater said he needs friends and you don’t even know if he likes guys._

_X_

Tater is, unsurprisingly, great at grilling. All the food turns out great, the drinks are flowing, and it might be a perfect evening.

Tango’s penchant for asking questions and Tater’s natural tendency to praise his friends mean that Bully relaxes around them enough that Hops thinks they are all genuine friends by the time they’re getting ready to leave.

“I think went well. Good grill party. We come back next week, yes?” Tater asks.

“God yes, you seriously have no idea how much meat we guilt-bought the other day,” Ford says. “Let me check what day is better with my rehearsal schedule.”

Hops is about to go help Louis and Tango bring stuff inside when he feels a hand on his arm.

“Thanks for letting me crash your party,” Bully says.

“Of course! Tater is cool, and I’m glad we chose him for grilling, but it’s nice having someone close to our age here, too.” Hops ducks his head, trying to avoid looking at Bully with obvious heart eyes.

“Extra dad points for him if he brings a kid, right?”

Hops bursts out laughing at that. “Holy shit man. I decided we’re keeping from now on.”

“You’re keeping me?” Bully looks pleased at the prospect.

“Yup! What’s your phone number? I’ll add you to the group chat we have.” Bully smiles softly all through exchanging phone numbers and saying goodbye.

Hops is whistling as he finally makes his way to the kitchen to help clean up.

“Hey lover boy is finally joining us! You get his digits, Hops?” calls Louis.

“Oh shut up.”

_X_

**Bully:** Hey

Hops is surprised when his phone goes off as he’s getting ready for bed. His heartrate picks up when he sees Bully’s contact info pop up.

**Hops:** Hey

 **Bully:** I just wanted to say thanks again for having me  
And adding me to your group chat  
Its hard to make friends in the offseason  
Most of the team is on vacation right now  
And like  
Tater is great, really  
But he’s like 10 years older than me or something  
So  
Today was great

 **Hops:** Of course!  
I’ve been trying to get to know my coworkers  
To make friends that don’t have anything to do with hockey  
My college team was pretty insular  
But they are old  
And boring

 **Bully:** I’m glad that being on a hockey team doesn’t disqualify me haha  
I’d be devastated  
Youre fun to hang out with

_Devastated?_ Hops is barely breathing. That’s pretty flirty, right? He would ask the others, but he doesn’t want to be chirped about this even more. The teasing while they were doing dishes was non-stop. It’s not like he has ever been able to hide when he’s crushing on someone from his friends.

**Hops:** I am?  
I figured I talked too much about anime

 **Bully:** I almost nothing about anime  
So it was fun to listen to you  
I like learning new stuff

 **Hops:** Yeah it is!  
I’d be happy to give you more recs if you want

 **Bully:** I um  
Would be happy for the recs

 **Hops:** okay cool  
I’ll send you some stuff

 **Bully:** I’d actually like to watch them with you?  
If you’re up for it?  
I know we just met

 **Hops:** I’m always up for watching anime!  
I’m pretty free this week, actually  
Louis and I were gonna start watching yuri on ice for the zillionth time actually  
If you want to join us, we could wait for a day when you’re free

 **Bully:** oh  
You and Louis

 **Hops:** It’s about ice skaters  
So kind of themeatic  
Sorry, did you not like Louis?  
You guys seemed to get along today

 **Bully:** Louis is great, wonderful guy  
All your friends are great  
But uh  
I was trying to ask you out

 **Hops:** WHAT

 **Bully:** sorry? Are you not into guys?  
I didn’t mean to make it weird  
Thought I had a chance  
Sorry for assuming

 **Hops:** I am into guys  
I’m just bad at this  
My normal move is to pine from afar and then eventually I’ll die  
You should definitely ask me out so I can skip that step

 **Bully:**...  
You were going to be pining?

 **Hops:** I mean  
You have to know what you look like  
You’re like stupidly hot

 **Bully:** ☺️

Does this mean you’ll go on a date with me?

 **Hops:** I’d like that 😊

_X_

“Hops can you get the door? I’m in the middle of something,” Louis calls down the steps the next day. Hops may or may not have been stress cleaning the living room anyway. He’s excited for his date today. Bully will be here in less than half an hour.

“On it!”

“Tater! Is everything okay? Did you leave something here yesterday?” Hops says when he sees who is on the doorstep.

“Need to have talk with you.” Tater looks more serious than Hops has ever seen him – including game photos from when he plays the Aces.

“With me? What’s wrong?”

“Bully is my rookie, my responsibility. Need to make sure you treating him right.”

The noise that Hops makes might be too high even for dogs to hear. Tater smirks.

“You must be sweet to Bully. He nice boy. Artistic, sensitive, you know?”

Hops nods rapidly.

“Also, I’m knowing where you live. And know all your friends. I’m owning shovel. So if you bad boyfriend, they never finding body, see?”

“Got it,” Hops says weakly.

“Great! Now I'm getting even more dad points! Am best dad ever!” Tater booms.

The sound of laughter behind him has him spinning to see Louis and Ford being barely supported by a guffawing Tango. They’re all holding numbers up, two nines and ten.

“Tater you would have gotten perfect tens from us if the conversation had lasted longer. Louis gave you a perfect score for the highest squeak a human has ever made.”

His friends are assholes.

“I see yes, will try harder at next dad-portunity.” Everyone in the living room groans.

“We literally signed up for this,” sighs Ford.

_What the fuck._

“Hops you should have seen your face,” laughs Ford.

“Oh I wish we had been recording that,” says Tango, “We could have shown it at their wedding.”

“Don’t worry, I was,” says Louis wiggling his phone.

_Oh good, I was wondering who I was going to kill first_ , thinks Hops.

Before he can even take one step toward Louis, the sound an engine interrupts him. Hops catches the sight of a motorcycle pulling up at the curb and his mouth goes dry when the guy riding it takes off his helmet and its _Bully._

Not to be a stereotypical gay on main but _holy shit that’s hot._

“Tater! What are you doing here?” Bully says suspiciously, walking up to the porch. He's wearing a leather jacket and he’s holding _flowers._ Hops may actually faint.

Bully does a double take when he sees Hops’ roommates all crowding behind him. “H-hey everybody. What’s going on?”

“Am best dad!” says Tater.

“Uh-huh,” Bully says. He clearly smells something rotten in Denmark.

“And we’re being supportive!” Tango says. “Those flowers for our boy Hops, here?”

Bully blushes immediately. “Um, yeah, here you go. Also, hi,” he adds softly. He gives the bouquet to Hops, who catches the flowers automatically.

“Motorcycle.”

“What? You okay, Hops?” Bully asks. Hops can hear his asshole friends snickering behind him, but he’s too distracted to do anything about it right now. His brain is melting.

“Bike. Pretty bike. Pretty boy. Pretty bike for pretty boy.” Hops’ vocabulary is on a one-way track. But it seems like it might be okay, Bully’s grinning at him.

“I told you I’d be by to pick you up.”

“I didn’t know you’d have a _motorcycle_ ,” Hops whines.

“Oh, so you don’t want to ride it?” That gets his brain working again.

“No, I definitely do.” He shoves the flowers at Ford, who is the only one keeping it together even a little bit. “Take these for me, I have a date to go on,” he says, and grabs Bully’s hand and tows him down the walkway.

“Don’t forget helmets!” calls Tater, “Drive safe! Bully you be back by ten!”

“You’re not my real dad!” Bully calls back, “Let’s go,” he adds to Hops, who settles his arms around Bully’s waist.

The roar of the motorcycle’s engine drowns out Tater back on the porch.

“They grow up so fast.”

_X_

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [@cricketnationrise](https://cricketnationrise.tumblr.com)


End file.
